I just had no idea

Thursday, November 19, 2009

I remember so clearly the period of time when we chose to put our new little family in God's Hands.

We hadn't been married six months yet. 19 & 20 years old, we felt a personal conviction about birth control & knew we wanted kids. We discussed it and decided to just stop using any form of BC. I remember offering a silent prayer, telling God that my future kids were in His hands and His timing.

I just had no idea what I was saying. Really, I figured it would be a matter of months before I could start telling people that we were expecting. That's how it goes, right? '

I just had no idea the journey that silent prayer would lead me through.

My sweet boy is nearing his second birthday and I said that prayer 11 years ago. We've seen infertility, more tests that I care to think about, a hysterectomy, loans, caseworkers, adoption, court, judges, papers, papers and even more papers!!

Our marriage and at times my own faith, has been pushed to certain limits.

I just had no idea the decisions we would face. Do we want to remain childless? Should we try fertility treatments? What about adoption; domestic, international, foster?

During all of this though, I can look back and see God's amazing Hand guiding our path. Whispering into our souls and comforting when there were no words to be spoken.

I just had no idea how many tears would fall when I put my life in God's hands. Somehow, I naively thought it would be easier than this.

Yet, as we are getting ready to embark on yet another adventure to bring our next child home, I feel so secure. I know that He is right here with us. I know that He has a perfect plan for our lives. Sure, to us it looks messy, painful and hard. But since when is my point of view the one that matters?

Every step we have taken has shaped who I am and the deep faith I have gained. I wouldn't trade it for all the tears I've cried.

Updates

Monday, November 9, 2009

So, I've been slacking on blogging this last month. I'd like to blame it on recovering from surgery, but I know that's not true!

Update on my health: I had my follow up visit with my doctor & asked for a referral to an oncologist. Turns out Nashville has one of the best Oncology Centers in the country. I knew I was in good hands as soon I started looking into their center.

I will be honest, I was beyond scared to meet with the oncologist. I was afraid that she would tell me that I needed chemo, more surgery or worse that there was nothing they could do. Now, I didn't really expect to hear the latter, it was just fears. I think I cried more that day that I had in a month.

Once I got to the hospital, I was amazed at how well run it was. I got checked in quite quickly and almost no waiting time. Which was good, because I was a mess.

Once I met with her, she immediately put my fears aside. I didn't NOT have cancer. I did have a potentially malignant tumor in my ovary, but not cancer.

The down side to it all? I am now "high risk" for ovarian cancer. I have to go in and get a blood test & ultrasound every six months. Once I hit "natural menopause", as all the doctors keep calling it, we will re-evaluate leaving my ovary in place. For now though, it is providing my natural hormones and I'm just not willing to lose that.

Recovery from surgery has been good, overall. I have to keep reminding myself to take it easy and not overdo. My body does remind me when I get to doing too much.

My doctor seemed very impressed with my recovery though. I told him it's a lot of prayers! So, thank you to everyone who has been praying for me. It has been a whirl wind 6 1/2 weeks, and I have been blessed to be covered through it all.

Update on Adoption: We are currently looking into doing foster/adoption with the state. Our classes start next week and we should find out more about it all then.

So, any sales from Etsy shop won't directly be going to the adoption. Just me running a small shop from home. At least for now. Who knows what God has planned for our lives. We are just taking one step and waiting for direction.

My week

Saturday, October 3, 2009

This has been a pretty eventful week as far as weeks go.

I'd been having some irregular female issues & decided to go in for an ultrasound, just to be sure. My ultra sound was 10 days ago on 9/24. Doctor found "huge" fibroid tumors. Discussing the options, we decided that a partial hysterectomy was the best course of action for me. The plan was to remove my uterus & cervix. I felt a peace about this desicion that I just could not explain.

We scheduled surgery for the following Wednesday ~ 9/30.

Once he got in there, he found that one ovary was completely overtaken by endometriosis. Consulting with Mike, they removed said ovary and left the other. We did not want to remove it if it didn't need to, so that I could avoid hormone issues that come with a total hysterectomy.

The surgery was done with laparoscopic assistance, so I only have four very small incisions. I'm already feeling so much better. Only needed Advil & Tylenol for pain.

Talked to my doctor today and he told me that the pathology reports came back. Turns out that I had cancer in the ovary they decided to remove. I now understand that peace I had about rushing into surgery! Ovarian cancer is very silent and is usually not found until it's too late.

I have my follow up appointment with him Thursday, so I will be asking more questions. As of now he sounds confident that the cancer was confined to the one ovary and that this battle is over. He said that Someone must be looking out for me.

I've spent a couple of hours crying and sorting through all of this. It's been a lot to take in so quickly.

My reason for posting this? Get checked. Even if you think it's nothing. Get checked. I almost canceled my ultrasound because I didn't want to waste the doctor's time with a simple irregular period.

Your health is not something to play around with. Get checked. So often you hear people say "if only we'd known earlier." Or what I have been guilty of thinking "wow, glad it's not me".

Giveaway Winner

Monday, September 28, 2009

Random Integer Generator

Here are your random numbers:

18

Timestamp: 2009-09-28 15:12:32 UTC

In total, we had 20 comments, but one was deleted & one didn't want to be entered.

So, the 18th comment entered into the drawing was from Joel! Hooray Joel! I'll send you an email to get all the details together to make the dress for your sweet girl.

Thank you to everyone who has promoted this giveaway & my etsy shop. This blog got over 300 hits since last week. That's amazing to me. A lot of people have been looking at my etsy shop as well.

I am currently taking order for dresses and anything else in my etsy shop. As I said before, all the proceeds are going to our next adoption. Keep watching for specials to hit the shop. I'm thinking of doing a Christmas special.

Giveaway

Monday, September 21, 2009

I'm doing a giveaway! WooHoo!!

This weekend I decided to kick start my etsy shop again. Sewing is a passion of mine, so what better than sewing to raise funds for our adoption?

In honor of re-opening the shop, I'm giving away a pillowcase dress.










The dress you win will be custom made, to your size & fabric choice.

All you have to do to enter, is talk about this giveaway & mention my etsy store. Simple right?

You can get up to 3 entries by:

1. Blog about the giveaway with a link back to this blog entry or the etsy shop. Leave a comment on this post with the link to the post on your blog. 1 entry

2. Twitter about my giveaway or about mamasmess etsy shop! Make sure to leave a comment below to let us know. 1 entry

3. Join my Facebook group ~ Mama's Mess. Leave a comment letting me know! If you've already joined, that counts too, just remind me. 1 entry

Please make each entry a separate comment. This will make everything much cleaner & help ensure that entries don't get overlooked.

***Edited 9/22/09 10:05AM CDT ~ Since some people don't blog or twitter, let me know how you promoted the giveaway & I'll consider it for an entry. The idea of the blog & twitter is to let as many people know about the giveaway & my etsy shop as possible. ****

The giveaway runs from 9:30 AM CDT today (9/21/09 Monday) until 9:59 AM CDT, September 28th (Monday). The winner will be chosen by random.org and I will post the winner on this blog. If the winner does not respond within 24 hours, a second winner will be chosen. Unfortunately, we only accept U.S mailing addresses at this time.

Journey to my baby

Saturday, September 19, 2009

It's almost 5 am, and I've been awake for 3 hours now...

Shortly before Nathan came into my life, sleep doesn't always happen in one long shift. He's been sleeping through the night for over a year now, Praise the Lord!

I remember a little less than two years ago, waking up in the middle of the night for no reason. I would toss & turn and then finally get up. I hate just lying in bed awake. Friends would joke that I was in the final stages of "pregnancy" and that my baby was waking me up. Ironically, my baby was in the final stages of his mama's pregnancy.

I also remember thinking about him all the time. Granted, I didn't even know if he exsisted yet, or whether he was a he. But, thoughts of a baby, my baby, would crash from my mind to my heart. I would start crying randomly throughout my day.

I realized while sitting here, reading blogs adoption, that I'm doing it again. Who knows, maybe the cooler weather makes me long to snuggle with a tiny little person.

Sitting here, listening to the rain, I wonder about my baby. How old is he/she? Has he/she even been conceived yet? What will he/she look like? How much pain will line my road to get that baby?

I've been thinking about decorating the front bedroom, just to be ready. I bought a baby monitor... for Nathan? haha

There are so many uncertainties both financially and with my health, but my faith is unwavering where this little one is concerned. Oh sure, I had my moment of fear, but I know God will bring me another little one to love.

8 years ago today

Friday, September 11, 2009

8 years ago, we were living in Agoura Hills, CA. I worked at the corporate offices of the Cheesecake Factory. My supervisor & a coworker were both Egyptian. Our boss was Iraqi. Several coworkers were middle eastern, from varying countries. I went to work and saw the pain in their eyes.

Over the coming weeks, many were persecuted. One man's shop was burned to the ground. The hate from Americans made me ashamed. One man, who was a Christian from Egypt, stood in our office and cried. He had left Egypt with his family to escape this type of hate. He thought America was a safe place for his family. And now the American people tormented his daughter at school. Calling her a murderer.

My heart was not only breaking for my country and all the lives lost, but for because of the hate that I saw oozing all around me. My eyes were opened that day.

How many have you killed with your words? How many times have you stereotyped people based on an accent or skin color? What are you teaching your children about how to treat others?

"If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless." James 1:26